I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
