I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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