you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize