Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
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it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i drank out of a bidet.
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hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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