You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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