take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
