So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
