i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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