I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
