Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
