um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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