We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
