can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
