Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
