my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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