What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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