we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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