Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
