I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
