TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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