k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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