im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
