Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I love you. Go after that dick
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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