puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
