Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
