Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The feeling are messing with the penis
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
