did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
