I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
