She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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