that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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