If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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