You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize