I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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