Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
