my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
