Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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