Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
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