I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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