girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
