i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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