I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
