She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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