if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
