She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
