dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
