Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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