cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
meet me or not, i'm out of control
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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