I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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