question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
