STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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