At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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