Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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