i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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