I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
