haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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