So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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