just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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