i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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