omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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