it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
