don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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