What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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