I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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