Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
