As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
