Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
