Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
