toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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