wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
